Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
