I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
