Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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