whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
