Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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