dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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