I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We left the knife in your bed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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