you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
