Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
