whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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