so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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