her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
