im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm too high and old for this...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
