Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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