Apparently you make a good broom.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Someone came in the potted fern
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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