And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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