You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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