We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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