we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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