Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
