I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
