That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
