forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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