dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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