she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
