So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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