you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Randomize
