help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
