we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
