I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
