i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
