I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
