You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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