i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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