I'm passing your future prison.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
