I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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