if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
