Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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