life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
