my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
this hospital has no fireball
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
