so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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