Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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