I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
