Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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