i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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