If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
