She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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