so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
