I cannot find my penis.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
