Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
