If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
