This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize