I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
