Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
