I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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