So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
