you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
