the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
