First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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