you traded sex for a burrito?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
