Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
