I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
