i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days