it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
