im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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