good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When are your genitals available?
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